Where we meet each other in oneness and equality.
Some update on my experience
Ive been having more insurities, on the way I move or should move myself. Uncertainty. Its hard to explain but the urge is still here of wanting to help, do something... Because I actually dont really want to, I dont FEEL it, I dont have the urge to, but I think that I should. Feeling selfish sitting here at come being comfortable, while beings in this world suffer and often dont even have a clue why or how they can stop it.
Sometimes it feels like their is a "lock" on my brain, that I begin to questionwhat I do or how I exist, but I just cant think about it. And then I try to think about it but my brain wont activate hahaha. Like there is nothing to think about. But I think I need to question everything I do, say.. how else do I know if its honest or dishonest? I cant just walk around and do whatever. Then I can easily be moved by circumstances, feelings (even very subtle) or the past etc... so every time I have to ask myself why I am doing what I am doing.And sometimes I try but I cant... Its what I experienced in my dream when i tried to listen to a man speaking, but I just couldnt hear him and I tried so hard.
This is the same thing. What stops me from hearing? fuck I dont know :S Normally I know very well what to do and things I stop within myself and stuff.... but these things I really cant say "its this" or "its that", I cant point at it, I cant use knowledge either lol because I dont understand it. At this point.
Maybe I create it in my head, therefor its not real and cannot actually be touched because I made it up to fuck with myself (unknowingly).
Ok lets use whats here...
This feeling selfish, I have it when I dont do anything for anyone. Like when I just watch movies, type, play games... Im like: ok Im existing in my small little world while some beings are now suffering imensly.
people keep on shouting to me: WHATS OUTSIDE YOU IS INSIDE YOU, there is nothing outside there its all you! etc...
Yeah I know but there is still the thing that those people , and animals and all things in existence, are here and so much is going fucked... I might live here now fine, but they are sometimes in such cruel gruesome conditions...
How do we stop such a world, by stopping ourselves from living in our mind thats obvious, thats just as it is. But fuck its gonna take alot of time as I look at it now. Just looking at my family whove I been able to speak to about these things, and seeing none of them even considers these things. And there is a whole fucking world .
Clearly I cant help anyone on the way of "IIIIIIIIIII am going to help you", nope thats not possible.Change is always done by Self and self alone. Others can assist you and support you, as they have done with me. But atcual change you must walk yourself, same as I have to do this. Step by step.
Sometimes being uncertain like I am now, but I am certain that I will see it.
Mostly its conversations with people I have that bring up these things and doubts. Starting to consider what they say and becomming unsure.
Sometimes it feels like their is a "lock" on my brain, that I begin to questionwhat I do or how I exist, but I just cant think about it. And then I try to think about it but my brain wont activate hahaha. Like there is nothing to think about. But I think I need to question everything I do, say.. how else do I know if its honest or dishonest? I cant just walk around and do whatever. Then I can easily be moved by circumstances, feelings (even very subtle) or the past etc... so every time I have to ask myself why I am doing what I am doing.And sometimes I try but I cant... Its what I experienced in my dream when i tried to listen to a man speaking, but I just couldnt hear him and I tried so hard.
This is the same thing. What stops me from hearing? fuck I dont know :S Normally I know very well what to do and things I stop within myself and stuff.... but these things I really cant say "its this" or "its that", I cant point at it, I cant use knowledge either lol because I dont understand it. At this point.
Maybe I create it in my head, therefor its not real and cannot actually be touched because I made it up to fuck with myself (unknowingly).
Ok lets use whats here...
This feeling selfish, I have it when I dont do anything for anyone. Like when I just watch movies, type, play games... Im like: ok Im existing in my small little world while some beings are now suffering imensly.
people keep on shouting to me: WHATS OUTSIDE YOU IS INSIDE YOU, there is nothing outside there its all you! etc...
Yeah I know but there is still the thing that those people , and animals and all things in existence, are here and so much is going fucked... I might live here now fine, but they are sometimes in such cruel gruesome conditions...
How do we stop such a world, by stopping ourselves from living in our mind thats obvious, thats just as it is. But fuck its gonna take alot of time as I look at it now. Just looking at my family whove I been able to speak to about these things, and seeing none of them even considers these things. And there is a whole fucking world .
Clearly I cant help anyone on the way of "IIIIIIIIIII am going to help you", nope thats not possible.Change is always done by Self and self alone. Others can assist you and support you, as they have done with me. But atcual change you must walk yourself, same as I have to do this. Step by step.
Sometimes being uncertain like I am now, but I am certain that I will see it.
Mostly its conversations with people I have that bring up these things and doubts. Starting to consider what they say and becomming unsure.
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